


Not Broken Just Bent

by crescent_gaia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Community: bigbang_mixup, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescent_gaia/pseuds/crescent_gaia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a completely different end to the events in Iron Man 3, Tony's life takes strange turns but his friends are there to help him. The one that seems to help the most is Steve Rogers, even though it takes a while for Tony to truly open up.</p>
<p>Includes brief mentions of Steve's past relationships as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who Knew?

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the fandoms listed or any of the characters of those fandoms. This is based on the mix Written on the Scars of Our Hearts by [the_me09](http://the-me09.livejournal.com/), which can be found [here](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL371aGiiwEOhN2jrIoNJdmVdeVvVRDrsT). The chapter titles are taken from the songs, as well as the lyrics found at the top of the chapters.

_That last kiss_  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory  
You visit me in my sleep 

Tony sat in the chair in the front row, next to Rhodes, but he hadn’t said a word. He hadn’t spoken since Pepper died from the Extremis virus that he wasn’t able to figure out in time. There was something wrong in the equation – something different from when he first figured it out to now – and he failed. That was the truth at the heart of it. He failed someone he loved, someone who had trusted him and forgiven him with her last breath, and it was crushing him. It was worse than the pain he first felt with the shrapnel. He could hear the priest, but didn’t care for the words, just looking down. Rhodes was answering the questions the priest had and he was grateful for that. He knew that Bruce was sitting in the second row but didn’t know what to say. He was okay with that too – he didn’t expect Bruce to say anything.

At the edge of the funeral stood Coulson, Clint, and Natasha. “I doubt you’re going to be turned away,” Clint said quietly to Coulson. 

“And Tony looks like he needs all the help he can get,” Natasha said.

Coulson nodded, moving up towards the front. He touched Tony’s shoulder. “Tony.”

Tony looked up. He got up and gave Coulson a hug. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Coulson gave him a hug back. “I’m sorry. But you did all you could do.”

Tony nodded. “Um, Rhodes – “

“I’ll move down,” Rhodes said. He moved down a seat. “Good that you’re talking.”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Where are the other two?”

“In the back, by the tree,” Coulson said and pointed them out. 

“Good to know,” Tony said.

“Have you really not been talking?” Coulson asked.

“Didn’t have anyone good to talk to,” Tony said. 

Coulson smiled at that. “Then I’m glad I’m here.”

“She would be glad too,” Tony said as he looked to the casket. “I’m sorry if I ever came between the two of you and what could have been.”

“You didn’t,” Coulson said. “We were more than willing to have you with us more often than not.”

“I know. It’s just – after New York and still – I just – “ Tony blinked back tears. “How am I going to get on without her?”

“We’ll help you,” Coulson said. “If nothing else, we’re really good at putting people back together emotionally. The two by the tree can tell you all about that.”

Tony nodded, sitting back down. “Okay.”

Coulson sat down next to Tony, talking quietly to him. What he didn’t notice, behind him, is that Steve Rogers joined Clint and Natasha over by the tree. Nobody noticed until the ceremony was over and Coulson turned to look back to see if the two assassins were still there. He wasn’t surprised to see Steve there. “Take your time,” he said to Tony.

“Thanks,” Tony said. He touched the casket before touching the red roses that lay on top of the casket. “Oh Pepper, you deserved so much better than this,” he whispered. “So much more than me and my stupidity. And just – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in sooner and kept you away with sarcasm and using the suits. It was stupid. If I could do it all over, I would. But now, this, I just – I’m sorry.” He heard someone coming up behind him and let go of the casket.

“Tony?” Steve asked.

“If anyone had told me, six months ago, that I would end up here – I don’t know. I would have laughed at them. Threw them out or punched them or something. I thought that she was the one. That it was it. Have you ever had someone like that?”

“Two someones,” Steve replied. “I didn’t have a chance to bury him – we never recovered the body – and she’s been gone two years already.”

“How do you deal with it?” Tony asked.

Steve sighed. “By taking it one day at a time. With Bucky – at the time, I was a mess. I tried to get drunk and hated the fact that I couldn’t. With Peggy, I’m more at peace with it. She had a good long life, even though I couldn’t be a part of it.”

Tony nodded and looked over to see Coulson talking with an older woman. “That’s Pepper’s mom. She, um, she didn’t want me at the family things for Pepper, so I respected her wishes. I’m just glad she let me have this time.”

“I didn’t know she still had family,” Steve said.

“Her mom’s nutso,” Tony said and chuckled. “Pepper used that word to first describe her.”

“Good word then,” Steve said. “Coulson’s coming over.”

“Kay,” Tony said and looked back to the casket. 

“What is it?” Steve asked when Coulson got to them.

“In the envelope? Her last will,” Coulson said and looked to Tony. “Tony, was Pepper pregnant when she died?”

Tony blinked and thought about it. “I don’t know. I, um, hold on.” He took out his phone and quickly accessed files. He looked over the record of Pepper’s autopsy. “Yeah, she was. How did you know?”

“I looked at the will. She had just changed it to include a future child,” Coulson said. “It’s probably why the equation didn’t work for her but it did for others.”

“How did I miss that?” Tony asked.

“Depends on how far along,” Steve said. “But it just goes to show that it wasn’t your fault.”

Tony nodded. “It’s working for others?”

“Yes,” Coulson said. “Can I look at the record?”

Tony handed over the phone before sitting down in a chair. “So it wasn’t my fault.”

“I think she’d agree with you,” Steve said.

Tony chuckled. “She was quick to forgive. Were yours like that? Or, you being perfect, you didn’t need forgiveness?”

“No, I did. I wasn’t perfect in the beginning but Bucky forgave me for things. So did Peggy – especially after I flirted with another girl since I thought she and Howard were doing something.”

“What?” Tony asked.

“I mistook what fondue meant.”

Tony took a long look at Steve before breaking out into laughter. “How can you – oh, now that story makes so much more sense.”

Steve grinned. “Glad you like it.”

“Makes him sound a bit more human,” Coulson said. “Here we go – Extremis did spread to the baby. You were able to fix her but since the baby still had it, it infected her again.”

Tony nodded. “Okay. Is anyone hungry? I’m suddenly hungry.”

“Let’s go get food then,” Steve said.

“And then back to New York with all of us. Director’s orders,” Coulson said.

“Nothing for me here now. I just need to grab Dum-E and I’m all set,” Tony said.

“Dum-E?” Steve asked.

“A very stupid robot that has saved my life on at least one occasion. Plus, I like him at the end of things,” Tony said. The trio went to the other ones waiting and went to get food. Afterwards, they got Dum-E and got on a private plane, making their way back to New York.


	2. How?

_But I just want my memories to remain  
To hear your voice  
To see your face  
There’s not one moment I’d erase  
You are a guest here now_

Steve sat back away from the others, nursing the drink that he bought. Of course, it wouldn’t get him drunk – nothing would do that – but it was nice to just sit quietly. It had been a month since the funeral and he had been run ragged. Since Tony wasn’t up to really helping defend the world, it fell to the others of the team. He didn’t mind it, knowing that Tony needed the time, but it wasn’t helping that the rest were tired as well. He made a decision to talk with Tony and blinked at seeing the man sit down across from him. “I was – “ he stopped as he saw it was Howard. 

“Hello Steve.”

Steve just looked over the man he had heard was dead. It looked like Howard didn’t age a day. He was exactly how Steve remembered the last time he saw him. “How?”

“Well, there are many explanations for that. What do you think?” 

“The car had a trick seat.” Steve thought it was a good explanation. Howard was a good inventor and it seemed like something he would do.

Howard smiled. “A good idea.”

“So you’re saying it wasn’t?”

“I’m just saying that it’s a good idea.” Howard sipped at his drink that seemed to appear out of nowhere. “A magician never reveals his tricks.”

“You’re an inventor.”

“I was. Now a days, I feel more like I’m putting on a magic show and hoping things will work. Tony’s got the right idea – he’s putting his money where his mouth is,” Howard says. “Do you like him?”

“He’s alright enough. We had our differences, but… well, he’s not you. And he’s not Peggy or Bucky.” Steve sighed. “I never thought I would be the one to survive.”

“Save for the crash into the ocean, I knew that you were going to be. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t find you.”

“That’s not your fault,” Steve said. “That’s HYDRA and the Red Skull’s. You did the best you could. So did Peggy. I just – “ He looked out at the bar, just a glance, and saw that nobody was moving. There was no sound of the television or the music that had been playing overhead. 

“You’re breaking the illusion.”

Steve turned back to Howard. “Why you?”

“You’re the one controlling the dream. Well, not controlling it, but it is your mind. Why do you think you picked me?”

“I was thinking about Tony,” Steve said. “About helping him.”

“Less that he needs help and more that he needs sense knocked into him.”

“That’s an old thought,” Steve said. “Around the time that I first met him.”

Howard smiled. “He’s a good kid, in the end. But I am guest here now. Just tell him that time will erase his pain, even though the memories remain.”

Steve nodded to that. “Is it really a dream or are you a ghost?”

“Little of one, half a dozen of the other, Steve. I am here how you think that I am here. I’m not sure if you believe in ghosts, but if you do, then I’m a ghost. If not, then I’m a dream. Either way, time is up now. Don’t forget us.”

“I never will,” Steve whispered. 

“Steve?” A voice asked and a hand on his shoulder followed.

“I’m awake,” Steve said as he sat up straight. He looked around and heard the music playing overhead at the bar he wandered into after his debrief on the helicarrier. He looked up at the person who the hand belonged to and smiled. “Hi.”

“You look exhausted,” Tony said. He was carrying two drinks in his hand. “You spilled yours.”

“.. So I did,” Steve said as he looked and saw the bit of a mess. “Where’s the glass?”

“Waitress came and cleared it away. I tipped her, asked if she knew what you were drinking, and got two.” Tony handed one to Steve before sitting down in the chair that was previously occupied by Howard. “So?”

“So?” Steve asked. “What?”

“Clint said you wanted to talk to me.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. _That’s new, not using nicknames._ “I just wanted to know how you were doing.”

“Alright, I guess.” Tony shrugged and sipped at his drink. “You need me to come back on missions.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “We’re getting hammered hard. Thor has his own problems and there’s only so much we can do. We could use your firepower.”

Tony nodded. “Alright.”

Steve tilted his head. “What?”

“I said alright.”

Steve looked confused. He was expecting a verbal fight about how Tony wasn’t really ready but not Tony just rolling over. “Okay. Why?”

“New suit is ready,” Tony said. “Got to test it somehow.”

Steve looked at Tony for a long moment before standing up and going over to him. “Stand up.”

Tony sighed and did so.

Steve looked at Tony and immediately noticed that it looked like Tony hadn’t slept for days. “You can’t go back out there.”

“I’m sleeping. Just not through the night. I get sleep where I can. It’s not a bad thing.”

“And how do we know you’re not going to fall asleep at the controls?” Steve asked. “And don’t crack a comment about the autopilot.”

“Damn, because I was just about to do that.”

Steve smiled. “Tony – “

“I wouldn’t be agreeing if I thought that I was just going to die. I just – I needed the month. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. What she would want me to be doing. And it’s not going to her grave every day and working on a suit when I can’t sleep. It all went wrong but I can honor her memory the best way that I can.”

Steve sighed. “If they clear you, then they clear you. I’m not going to stop you.”

“Thanks,” Tony said. 

Steve was about to say something else when his phone beeped. “Damnit.”

“What is that?”

“A cell phone,” Steve said as he took it out of his pocket.

Tony looked at it. “That’s a Droid phone. You need an iPhone.”

“I like this phone.”

“Yeah, but then how do we know you’re cool?” Tony asked.

“You’re just going to have to assume that,” Steve said. “Yes Coulson?” He listened to the other end of the conversation. “Sure. Tony’s coming with.” A pause. “Yeah, he is. Okay – thanks.”

“Well?”

“He says that he’s texting JARVIS the coordinates and that a plane is waiting at the Tower. So we double time it,” Steve said and downed his drink.

“Damn straight,” Tony said and downed his drink as well. The two of them got into the SHIELD vehicle waiting for them, speeding off to the Tower and saving the world.


	3. Hopeless Wanderer

_I wrestled long with my youth  
We tried so hard to live in the truth  
But do not tell me all is fine  
When I lose my head, I lose my spine_

Tony looked over the email that he had opened to Fury. It was to the point – it was a single paragraph saying that he was resigning – but he couldn’t bring himself to send it. There was a bit of him saying that he was getting back to normal. He was going on missions – 10 over the last few months – and he was getting used to the idea of working with a team. Hell, he even made sure that Rhodey had a few backup suits of the Iron Patriot so SHIELD could start up a West Coast division. He heard that had been going well too.

But he just wasn’t sure if he could continue doing what he was doing. He was sleeping, but a few hours here and there. He sipped at the scotch and sighed, turning his head as he heard someone come in. “Hey,” he said to Steve. “Good date?” He had set up Steve with a few female friends of his and they seemed to like him.

“Yes and no,” Steve said. “What you working on?”

Tony weighed making a joke and being serious. He decided serious would be better. “Resignation letter.”

“Tony.”

“Steve,” Tony replied in a deadpan voice.

Steve smiled at that. “How much of those have you had?”

Tony looked at his glass. “Just the one. I poured it three hours ago. It’s why the glass is all wet.” He wiped his hand on a napkin.

“So you’re not drunk. It’s a stupid decision.”

“Stupid isn’t all that bad of a word. I was thinking I could go back to just consulting. Make a few things here and there, come in when you need me, but go back to – well, doing something else.”

“Is Stark Industries not doing well?” Steve asked.

Tony blinked. “It is doing as well as it can be. Well, no, it’s doing extremely well. I’ve got a new CEO in, after I interviewed like sixty people, and he’s putting it in the right direction.”

“Rhodes is running Stark Industries?”

“It’s that transparent?” Tony asked.

“Just a bit.”

“Huh,” Tony said. “But no, this is just to get back into doing something more for the world than defending it. Making more arc reactors for clean air and leaving the planet a better place. Making sure that starving school children have desks and food and good running water. Just simple acts that don’t need an iron suit.”

“You told me, a while ago, that you knew what she wanted you to do. What’s changed?”

“It doesn’t feel right anymore,” Tony said. “It feels like I can be doing more.”

“What’s stopping you from doing both?” Steve asked. “I don’t think you need to pull back to consultant. Plus there’s the fact that the Director might not let you.”

“What might I not let Stark do?” Fury asked.

Steve turned and came to attention. “Resign, sir.”

“Just let the cat come out of the bag why don’t you,” Tony muttered. “At least I won’t have to email the resignation to you now.”

“I don’t accept,” Fury said. “I don’t think that you’re going to want to either.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Trevor Slattery was let out of jail. His lawyers found a loophole.”

“…that’s a big ass loophole,” Tony said. “The fact that he was taking money from the man who kidnapped the president and was terrorizing the nation with his voice didn’t help?”

“He thought it was an ongoing performance piece to be used later in an art gallery. The judge agreed with him and his lawyers and threw out the case.”

“Shit,” Tony said and downed the scotch.

“Catch me up – who is this guy?” Steve asked.

“He was posing as the Mandarin. He was making threats on television but it turned out that he was just a front. He’s going to make a play soon, isn’t he?”

“That’s what we’re thinking,” Fury said. “Which is why you can’t retire. We’re going to need you. There’s also the fact that we can’t give you the protection you’re going to need if you decide to retire.”

“More that you’d just get Natasha to shadow me again but at least this time, I’d know who she is.” Tony grinned, turned to the computer, and deleted the email. “I say that we have a party.”

“No.”

“You are no fun,” Tony said.

“Let’s recap the last party you had. You trashed your place, let your best friend take a suit, and made Pepper so mad at you that she would have killed you with her looks,” Fury said. 

“In my defense, I thought I was dying,” Tony said.

Steve just looked confused.

“No, you don’t want to know. But I do need to thank you because if it wasn’t for dad having a mini shield of yours, then I wouldn’t have been able to balance one of the pipes,” Tony said. “I made a new element because the one that I was using for the reactor in my chest was poisoning me. Kind of slowly.”

“It wasn’t slowly at all,” Natasha said as she came over to them with Clint. “Sir.”

“Agent Romanov, Agent Barton,” Fury said. “Until further notice, one of you needs to be with Mister Stark anytime he leaves the Tower.”

“Can I call dibs for when he’s going to bars and parties?” Clint asked.

“Yes,” Natasha said. “Means I don’t have to get into uncomfortable shoes.”

“Actually, I was going to drag Steve to those. I think he’d look good in a tux,” Tony said. 

“I like the dress blues more,” Steve said. “I’m still confused.”

“That’s a bit normal,” Fury said. He handed the file to Tony, who turned and started to make it into an electronic file. He moved away, motioning for Natasha and Clint to come with him. “I mean it – do not let Stark out of your sight. He’ll explain the Mandarin – just ask him about it – but otherwise, I mean it when I say I want one of you with him at all times. Even if he leaves with Captain Rogers.”

“Got it,” Natasha said and Clint nodded. 

“Good – keep in touch,” Fury said before he left.

Natasha and Clint made their way back over to Tony and Steve. “So,” she said.

“Get comfortable and I’ll explain. The file’s ready,” Tony said.

Everyone took a seat as the file came up and Tony explained who and what they were up against. There were questions here and there, but at the end, everyone understood why the Director wanted Stark under constant supervision – he was going to die otherwise.


	4. Hello Goodbye

_Hello hello  
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello  
Hello hello  
I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello_

Tony woke up to the sound of an alarm going off. Which was strange, considering that it was three in the morning and he had only gone to bed around a half hour ago. “JARVIS, turn it off,” he grumbled as he turned over to go back to sleep. The alarm went off for a moment before it started up again. “Oh for the love of – “ he grabbed his iPhone and looked to see what was happening. He saw that his phone was lit up with different alerts of what was happening in the city. “Well, that’s one way for him to make an entrance,” he said as he could clearly see that it was the Mandarin using his own powers this time.

There was a double knock at the door to his room before Steve came in. “We’ve got to suit up.”

“Funny – was just coming to tell you the same thing,” he said and threw the phone to Steve. He was happy when Steve caught it and started to read the alerts. He was quickly dressed in a shirt and pants and took the phone from Steve as he left the room. “Widow and Legolas awake?”

“Yes,” Natasha said. “Bruce is working on getting here. Thor is still out of reach but Coulson and the rest are working on that.”

Tony nodded. “We’ll do the same as last time – I’ll head in first with the three of you actually being right behind me this time.”

“Yeah yeah,” Clint said as he joined the others. “There’s a plane waiting for us now. Just got to get up to it.”

“Go suit up,” Steve said.

Tony nodded and quickly went to get the suit on. He made his way to the main part of the city that the Mandarin was attacking, taking out the smaller minions on his way in. He looked up and saw the plane, weaving his way more in to get where the Mandarin was. He set himself down and looked at his foe. “So, how was prison?” He asked as he flipped up the face armor.

“Jail, and it was nice enough,” the Mandarin said. “You knew that I was something more from the start, didn’t you?”

“You had to be,” Tony said. “Killian wasn’t that smart. You were very good in your roles though – more than any sort of junkie British actor.”

The Mandarin chuckled. “So you’ve come alone to your death?”

“I could have, but you know how it is. You start working for a team, they have to come with all the time…” Tony said as Steve landed next to him. “However, it’s more than acceptable to just surrender now and save us all the hard work.”

The Mandarin replied by sending a blast of energy at the both of them. Steve rolled out of the way, throwing his shield, while Tony put down the face armor and flew up in the air. Tony fired some missiles, swearing as they were destroyed midair. What really surprised both of them is when the Mandarin grabbed Steve’s shield and threw it at Tony, which knocked him out of the air for a moment.

“You two want some help?” Clint asked over the mic as Natasha started firing from the plane.

“Took you two long enough,” Tony said as he threw Steve back the shield. 

The Mandarin turned his attention at the plane, trying to hit it with an energy blast and getting it on the third time. Clint made a rough landing and the two of them got out of the plane as quickly as they could.

“You two alright?” Tony asked over the comm.

“As much as we can be,” Natasha replied. She started firing at the different minions that came to overrun them, with Clint doing the same thing.

Tony concentrated his attacks on the Mandarin going quiet for a moment. “We need to do something different.”

“Like what?” Steve asked.

Tony didn’t reply before getting as close to the Mandarin as he could. He threw a swift right hook, being stopped by the Mandarin’s hand. He took a hard blast to the stomach as he tried to throw a left hook but was stopped by the Mandarin’s other hand. The two of them struggled against each other, keeping their concentration on each other.

Steve saw his window of opportunity, jumping in behind the Mandarin’s field of vision and striking a hard blow to the back of the head. It made the Mandarin stumble before letting go of Tony and turning his attention to Steve. 

Tony hit the Mandarin hard again, trying to get the attention back. 

“Enough!” The Mandarin blasted both back from him. The next moment, there was an arrow in his arm that blew him back away from Steve and Tony. A moment later, the Mandarin was gone and there was just a Mandarin shaped whole in the wall.

“Nice,” Tony said. 

“Explosive arrow had a tracker in it that went into his blood stream,” Clint said. “You two willing to help us with some clean up?”

“I am,” Steve said as he turned to the rest. “Tony?”

“I’m fine,” Tony said as he turned and started help cleaning up the rest of the minions. In the end, they were able to capture or eliminate all of them in a couple of hours. They were back at the Tower by sunrise, with Clint filling Bruce in on what happened during the fight while Steve cooked breakfast for everyone.

Tony winced as he slowly sat down in a seat at the table. “Too bad you missed it.”

“I know,” Bruce said and looked at Tony. “What happened with you?”

“Magical punch to the gut. Docs say that I’ll be fine in a couple of days. Hurts like hell at the moment,” Tony said. He smiled as Steve put down a plate of food and a cup of coffee in front of him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. And don’t do that again,” Steve said as he turned back to the stove.

Tony smiled and started to dig into his breakfast as the chatter started up again. The pain in his gut felt like it was nearly gone and breakfast wasn’t that bad at all.


	5. Cold

_See you in the distance calling  
But my feet are on the pavements sinking  
Voices talking  
Say I'm all done before we started  
And I can't walk  
On your promise this time_

It had been a month since the Mandarin came to town. While Clint’s idea of a tracker did pay off a small bit, they still didn’t have the Mandarin in the cage. But that didn’t really matter to Steve at the moment. He was watching Tony in the lab, trying to build up some courage to go inside and ask Tony a question. Well, one specific question. He didn’t know why it was so hard to do, since it had taken him all of a few seconds to ask Bucky, but it could be the fact that it was Tony. And if, he was wrong, that it would mean a lot of endless mocking. Which is why he stood on the outside looking in and jumped at feeling a hand on his shoulder. 

“Sorry,” Natasha said. She had a tray of food in her hand. “I don’t think he’s eaten today.”

“Probably not.”

“Want to take it in to him?” she asked.

He sighed.

“What’s wrong?” 

“What was it like when you asked Clint out for the first time?” he asked.

“Well, it was more that he asked me for the first date. So I asked for the second and it was easy because I knew what the answer would be.” She bumped in the shoulder with the tray. “Take it into him.” This time, it was less a question and more of a command.

He took the tray. “And what if he mocks me?”

“He won’t.”

“How do you know?” he asked.

“Because he won’t. You should read his papers on tearing down DADT and being against DOMA. For all of his writing, he really could have been a lawyer. Instead, he decided to use Stark Industries to be one of the friendliest companies for single moms, single dads, minorities, gay people, and so on.” She looked at him. “You don’t know what DADT and DOMA are.”

“Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and Defense of Marriage Act.”

“Gold star,” she said. “So, worst he’s going to say is no.”

He nodded and went over to the door. He knocked on it twice, getting Tony’s attention. The door to the lab opened and he stepped in, moving over to the table where Tony was working. “What can I move to set this down?”

Tony moved things so Steve could set the tray down easily. “Thanks Natasha!” He called through the intercom. “That was nice of her.”

“What is it about you and not eating?”

“Eh,” Tony said with a shrug. “Tunnel vision is the best explanation for it.”

“Oh.” Steve took a breath. “Tony – “

“Yes,” Tony said.

Steve blinked. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“Sorry.”

“Do you want to go out to dinner with me?” Steve asked.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then my answer from before stands,” Tony says with a smile. “But then, I’ve got to ask, as friends or something else?”

“Why don’t we have dinner and see where it goes?” Steve grinned and stole one of Tony’s triangles of toast.

“You’re stealing my toast. I think I know exactly where it’s going to go.” Tony thought for a moment. “Do you like sushi?”

“Is it fish?”

“Yes.” Tony munched on a piece of bacon. “Not cooked fish.”

Steve looked confused. “Why would anybody want to eat that?’

“Okay, answer this then. Are you allergic to fish?”

“No.” Steve made a face. “Tony, don’t make me eat something that isn’t cooked.”

“It’s not all uncooked. Plus, they’ll have tempura.”

“What’s that?” Steve asked.

“Battered and deep fried food,” Tony said.

“That sounds normal enough. Why do they call it something strange?”

“It’s Japanese food,” Tony said. “Truthfully, I don’t care what they call it. It’s delicious and, since you have not had it, then we must go have sushi.”

“Fine,” Steve said. “Seven?”

“Seven works. Meet you downstairs?”

“Yes,” Steve said. “And Tony?”

“Hrm?”

“Don’t be late,” Steve said.

“Okay,” Tony said and watched Steve leave the lab. “Hey JARVIS? Set an alarm for five thirty today.”

“Of course sir,” JARVIS replied as Tony went back to his work.

*~*~*~*

Steve waited downstairs at the Tower at five minutes before seven. He was a bit nervous, but smiled as he saw Tony appear. “You’re early.”

“Thought it would be a good idea. So, are you ready for your culinary adventure?”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Tony shrugged. “Just thought it would be interesting to say. Come on.” He led Steve out to a waiting car, both of them getting in, and the driver starting to drive to their destination. “And, even though you asked, I’m paying for tonight.”

“I’m not going to stop you with that,” Steve said.

“Good idea,” Tony said. They quickly got to the place, mostly due to the driver driving a bit like a maniac. They had a nice dinner, with Tony explaining and showing Steve how to use the chopsticks, and kept close to each other on the way back to the Tower. It was mostly because they were both full of good food and a good amount of sake.

“I think we’re here,” Steve said before yawning. “And I think we both need to sleep.”

“Sleep sounds like a very good idea.” Tony opened the door when they got to the Tower, getting out and then giving a hand to Steve to help him out. They made their way upstairs and were about to go to their separate rooms when Steve pulled him in for a long kiss. He kissed Steve back before gently breaking the kiss. “I can’t,” he whispered.

“Okay,” Steve whispered.

“It’s not you,” Tony whispered. “I just – I can’t.”

“It’s alright. Maybe next time?”

Tony nodded and let go of Steve. He smiled when Steve kissed his forehead and waited until Steve was gone before going into his own room. He leaned against the door for a moment before stripping down to go to bed. He flung himself into bed, not caring about the sheets or cover as he let himself sink into sleep. He wasn’t even aware of someone screaming his name or the alarms going off until Natasha slapped him hard awake. “Ow! Natasha – “ He listened to the sounds of fighting. “That sounds like my suit.” He got out of bed, pulling on some pants before going out into the hall. “Hey!”

The suit turned to look at him, seeming to stop. It came to a full stop and fell over with an arrow out of its back. “EMP arrow,” Clint said as he came up to them. “I didn’t think it would stop.”

“Everyone okay?” Tony asked.

“We’ll heal,” Steve said as he slowly got up from where he took a punch to the gut. “Thanks,” he said as Tony helped him up. He leaned against Tony. “So, do your suits always randomly come to life?”

“Just – just once,” Tony said and looked to Natasha. “Was I having a fit?”

“Like you were caught in a nightmare,” Natasha replied. “Sorry about that.”

“No, I’m glad you did it. And glad that Legolas shot the suit in the back. I thought I had taken all of that out – the activating if I thought I was in trouble.”

“We’ll get it back to the lab,” Clint said. Natasha nodded as the two started to drag it back to the lab. 

“Thanks,” Tony said. “I am really sorry.”

“I know,” Steve said. “So, nightmares?”

“Guess so. I just don’t remember having them.”

“I don’t think you should be alone,” Steve said.

“Okay,” Tony said. He let Steve lead him back to Steve’s room and curled up against him. He fell asleep with Steve’s arms around him and slept his first good night of sleep since Pepper died.


	6. Only Want to Dance With You

_I fell for you, yeah  
Boy you’re so screwed, so  
You’re in for it now._

_You’re all I wanna do  
I only wanna dance with you_

It had been a couple months since the entire thing with the suit. Tony had made some better EMP arrows for Clint – SHIELD issue ones were below par – and he was happy about that. The only problem was that he wasn’t really sleeping. He would get a few hours then a nightmare would wake him up, and then he’d be up for the rest of the night. Along with the day following and then only sleeping a couple of hours – it was a cycle that was taking a lot out of him. He was doing well enough on missions, but he knew it was going to catch up to him.

He felt himself nodding off and woke himself up with a start. He downed his cup of coffee. “JARVIS?”

“Yes sir?”

“Is anybody else in the Tower at the moment?” Tony asked. It was quiet. Too quiet.

“No sir. You seem to be the only one there.”

“Huh.” Tony tried to think if he missed something. “Anything on the calendar?” He had made himself put in Steve’s birthday, along with the rest of the team, plus anything he needed to remember for Clint and Natasha’s wedding. And then adding in whenever he got an announcement for a meeting – he was getting used to being his own secretary. It didn’t mean that he had to like it though.

“No sir. Your schedule is clear. They probably didn’t want to bother you.”

“They wouldn’t have bothered me. Did I get left behind?” Tony sighed. Well, he could try to sleep. 

“It does seem that way, sir. Should I try to contact Captain Rogers?”

“Only to ask if they need help,” Tony said as he got up and put his dishes in the sink. He made the way to his room, waiting for JARVIS’ answer.

“Sir?”

“Go ahead JARVIS,” Tony replied.

“Captain Rogers says that they have everything under control and will see you when they returned. He wanted to know if dinner at the Melting Pot at 7 was okay.”

Tony grinned. Steve had wanted to go there since he had mentioned that it was a fondue restaurant. He didn’t mind – it was comfortable and, as a bonus, there usually weren’t freaks in cameras out in front. “It’s perfect. Make sure there’s a reservation and, if not, pencil us in.”

“Already done sir. The reservation is there.”

“Then put yourself on ‘Do Not Disturb Tony’ mode unless the Earth starts to break up,” Tony said. “And even then, I’m not sure if I want to be woken up.”

“Sir, do you want an alarm at five? Or sooner than that?”

Tony thought about it. It would mean that Steve wouldn’t yell at him about missing the date if he overslept. But then there was the question if he would sleep at all. “Yeah. For five. Better safe than sorry, right?”

“Very well sir. Sleep well.”

“Thanks JARVIS,” Tony said as he sank into the bed, curling up in the covers and going to sleep.

*~*~*~*

Steve got back to the Tower with Natasha and Clint around 4:30. He thought that was good time and they had gotten all the bad guys. He didn’t want to tell Tony, but there had been more and more of the Mandarin’s minions floating around. They were handling them, but bringing along Tony, while making the mission easier, would have possibly had the Mandarin appear. While that would be nice, he wasn’t sure if Tony would survive the battle at all.

He let Clint and Natasha have the kitchen, going down to his room after he got out of his uniform. He stopped and went to Tony’s door instead, listening at the door. After not hearing anything, he lightly knocked at the door.

“Captain, he has another half hour,” JARVIS replied to the knock.

He smiled at hearing the voice. “Is he actually sleeping?”

“Amazingly, yes. I do think he has one of your pillows in his room, sir.”

“That’s fine with me. Cancel the alarm. I’ll call the restaurant and see if we can get a later reservation,” Steve said as he pulled out his cell phone.

“I can do that for you, sir. You now have a reservation at 10.”

“That should be more than enough time.” Steve went into his own room, cleaning off the grime and getting himself ready. He was about to settle down into some television watching when there was a loud knocking at his door. “It’s open!”

Tony came into the room. “You cut off my alarm.”

“You were sleeping. Since 10 in the morning. And I moved the reservation.”

Tony crossed his arms and gave Steve a look.

“No, you don’t start to give me that look, Anthony Stark. I am someone who is concerned for you, as a friend and as a significant other. Plus, you were the one who helped me understand how to use JARVIS in the first place and wanted me to have some control over him as well. So, if anything, the one you should be pissed at is yourself.”

Tony blinked. “I – fine. Thank you.”

Steve thought that he might throw a tantrum next. “Did you have a nice nap?”

“Yes. Why didn’t you need me with what you were doing earlier?”

“We just didn’t,” Steve said. “I moved the reservation to ten. Should I move it to seven thirty now?”

“I already did.”

Steve looked amused. 

“Oh shut up.”

Steve started laughing. “Go get changed.”

Tony saluted before leaving the room, which only made Steve laugh more. He was ready soon enough and the two of them went to a bar for drinks first that was attached to the restaurant, with a pager that would buzz when their table was ready. He waited until the drinks were served before looking at Steve. “So. Sorry about earlier.”

“You’re already forgiven,” Steve said. “I do want to talk to you about something.”

“I’m not going to like this.”

“No, probably not,” Steve said. “I don’t want to keep waiting.”

Tony motioned for Steve to go on.

"And I am willing to wait, but not forever. If there's anything I know, it is that nothing is certain. We could all die at any given moment."

"That's so optimistic," Tony said.

"Tony," Steve started.

"No, it is," Tony said. "So fucking uplifting."

"This from someone who has been having nightmares for a month straight," Steve said and sighed. "I don't want to fight."

Tony was quiet and then nodded. "I don't want to fight either."

"Then why do we?" Steve asked.

"Unreleased sexual tension?" Tony offered and grinned at hearing Steve's laugh. "I just - it's too soon."

"This from Tony Stark? I think I'm in shock," Steve said and blinked. "Sorry."

"No, that was good and very right," Tony said. 

"Still shouldn't have been said.” Steve sighed and sipped at his drink. The buzzer announced that their table was ready. “Let’s just have dinner.”

“I can agree with that,” Tony said and clinked his glass with Steve’s. He also took Steve’s hand after Steve stood up.

Steve smiled at that and led the way to the table. There was good conversation, letting the argument before dinner go, and just being with each other.


	7. Come On Get Higher

_I miss the sound of your voice  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in_

Tony was debating on something as he sat there up on the roof of the Tower. Something that he knew that he shouldn’t do. It was worse than getting drunk, even though he stopped doing that because Steve asked him to. It was a bit harder getting to sleep at nights, but he felt good for sticking to his word. He shook his head as he just reached to his drink and took a long sip. Tonight, it didn’t matter because Steve wasn’t going to be back until tomorrow afternoon. Long enough to sober up, possibly take a shower, and be the good boyfriend he was supposed to be.

_Boyfriend. To Captain freaking America. Now if that wasn’t weird, nothing would ever be._

“Yeah, but at least you’re happy,” a soft voice said from the back of his head. He knew that it was just his mind using Pepper’s voice to make everything seem alright. To make everything normal, at least for a small while until someone came to find him. He wondered who that might be tonight.

The answer came very soon in the form of Natasha. “Hi.”

“Agent Romanov. Join me. It’s scotch, so maybe not your cup of tea, but you might still like it.”

She took the glass from him, downed the liquid, and threw it off the roof.

“I don’t think that’s really legal.”

“Screw legal,” she said.

“You’re in a mood tonight.”

“Just a small one,” she said and handed him an envelope. “Someone’s been trying to reach you to pick up this envelope. So I pulled on the old persona and got it sent here. You might want to change the protocols so that I can’t do that.”

“If I didn’t want you to do it, don’t you think I would have changed it a while ago?”

“Good point,” she said. “Are you ever going to get over her?”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “You realize it’s only been like six months, right? Or is this a Russian thing?”

“Probably is. Also, you’re somewhat with Steve now.”

“Somewhat being the key word there,” he said with a sigh. There had been some campaigns that SHIELD were making Steve do – propaganda to help with America’s image – and some of that was why he was on the roof. He felt a bit betrayed, even though he knew it wasn’t Steve’s idea. He at least hoped the kiss from a supermodel wasn’t his idea. 

_You do not have a lot of room to talk, boss._

He smiled at hearing that. “So, Natasha, why are you up here? Just the envelope?”

“I’m not allowed to be a bit worried for you when you’re drinking on the roof alone?”

“No,” he said. “Okay, maybe. But don’t tell anyone.”

“… Tony, if you’re thinking about taking your life, I do have to tell someone. You might actually need mental help. Talking to someone with a degree instead of me or Steve or JARVIS.”

“I don’t like people like that. And I’m not really thinking about it,” he says.

“Were you?”

“Maybe,” he says.

She sat down next to him and just took his hand. “Tony – “

“What would you do if Clint died?”

She blinked at the question. “I’d mourn him. I’d also kill whoever took his life and live the rest of my life in his honor. You’ve done two of those three things. There’s nothing saying that you can’t do the third.”

“What if you were the reason that he was killed?”

“That’s not out of the realm of possibility, especially when I first came over to SHIELD. In fact, he did nearly die once and I spent the entire time curled up next to him in the hospital bed. We didn’t really talk about that, mostly because he pulled through. But I did blame myself before realizing that I was not the one who pulled the trigger. I wasn’t the one who put him in the hospital bed. I was the one who was next to him, making sure that he pulled through and helping him through therapy. In helping him heal, I healed. Just because she’s not here physically doesn’t mean she’s not actually here.”

He nodded. “You’re right.”

She smiled at that. “Good. Now come inside – it’s warmer. There’s also coffee.”

“I like coffee,” he said as he slowly got up. He smiled as Natasha gave him help to get up from where he was sitting. His legs cramped a bit as blood flow came back to them and he grimaced. 

“How long have you been out here?”

“Few hours,” he replied. “I think they fell asleep about a half hour after I first sat down. But, honestly, it felt good to be out here.”

“Well, now you’re in here,” she said. There was a ping from elsewhere in the Tower. “And they’re back already.”

“Shit.”

“Well, got to face the music either way,” she said. She got him to a chair in the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee. She also put a plate of food in front of him. “Eat,” she commanded as she left the room to see to Clint.

He rolled his eyes but started to eat. He felt a small bit better until Steve came into the kitchen. “Hi.”

“Tony.”

“In my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be home tonight,” he said. “And I don’t want an argument about it. I just wanted to get drunk. Well, get drunk and be on the roof. It felt better up there. Besides, I can hear Pepper when I drink and sometimes I want to.”

Steve just sat down next to him and stole a bit of food. “Were you going to jump?”

“No.”

“Okay then,” he said and got up, kissing Tony’s forehead. He started to make his own food and let the silence hang between them. It was only when he sat back down, he took Tony’s hand and said “You’re lucky that you weren’t hurt. And that you can get high that way.”

“I was thinking about smoking some pot too but I couldn’t find any. I think I must have left it back in California when the house blew up.”

Steve smiled at that. “We could go get more.”

“Nah.” Tony was quiet for a moment. “How do I do good? Aside from giving everything away?”

“You do what you can from day to day. Find a cause or two where you can make a different. And stay with me. I need to apologize for something.”

“You were only doing it because you were told to,” he said. “I’d like being kissed by a supermodel too.”

“No I wasn’t told to do that. I did it because I wanted to see what it felt like. So I’m apologizing for that. Especially when you seem to be doing something new and not flirting with every woman and man that have a pulse and can walk.”

“Oh.” He was silent and then smiled. “Steve, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t want you to go away. Or start up being your old self again.”

He kissed Steve’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve smiled at that and the two of them finished up their food. Natasha told them to leave the dishes in the sink before both went to bed. Tony slept through the night, not with nightmares, but with dreams of himself and Pepper enjoying what they had before. When Tony woke up the next morning, the most he could remember was Pepper whispering to him that she gave her blessing for him to live his life and love someone new.


	8. Just Give Me a Reason

_Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
I never stopped  
You're still written in the scars on my heart  
You're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again_

It was three months after sitting on the roof and Tony woke up to an empty bed. He felt the other side of the bed, where Steve usually slept, and it still felt warm. He sighed and moved over to that side of the bed, closing his eyes as he did so. He barely noted the time, seeing that it was six in the morning, and swiftly fell back asleep. It was only when his phone ring that he really woke up. He fumbled for the phone, trying to figure out where it was to stop the annoying ringing. “Yeah?” he asked when he answered the phone.

“You realize it’s nearly noon, right?” Steve asked.

Tony checked the time on the clock radio that Steve kept next to the bed. “What was it about letting me catch up on sleep?”

“You’re wasting the day.”

“I’m going to hang up and go back to sleep now,” Tony said.

“No you’re not.”

“Oh? Then what am I going to do?” Tony asked. He raised an eyebrow, even though he knew that Steve couldn’t see it.

“Get showered, dressed, and meet me for breakfast for lunch. I’m at a very nice little café that I’m going to text you the address of. You have until one to come and have lunch with me. If not, then I think we’re going to need to have a talk that neither of us want to have.”

Tony wrinkled his nose. “Text me the address. I’ll see you soon. Also, it’s called brunch, even though it might be a bit too late for that.”

“Tony?”

“I’m not doing this so we don’t have to have the talk. I’m doing it – well – we do need to talk, but not that serious. The place does serve something strong, right?” Tony asked.

“I thought you were giving up drinking.”

“Yeah, that’s one of the things we need to talk about,” Tony said. “And other things. So, I’ll be there before one and you’re the one paying. So, spend lightly until I get there.”

“I don’t have to, but I know what you mean.”

“Good,” Tony said. “Love you – see you soon.” He clicked off the phone, smirking as he let Steve stew about that. He made himself get up and shower, dressing in what would be a normal suit and making his way to the café on foot. He got there a half an hour before one. “See? Here,” he said and sat down. A moment after he took his chair, a glass of what looked like orange juice in a wine glass was placed in front of him. “What is – “

“Mimosa. They said that it would be a good starting drink, so I ordered one to arrive when you came here. I ordered it fifteen minutes ago. I actually think they taste good.”

Tony sipped at it and smiled. “It is good. Neither thought I would actually like one of these things. You know that they’ve got champagne in them?”

“It doesn’t have alcohol – they substitute frozen lemonade and ginger ale for the champagne. Tony, did you really mean what you said on the phone?”

“That we need to talk?” Tony asked as he looked around at the other people in the restaurant. “Yep.”

“No, the other thing. What you said at the end of the phone call and then just hung up on me. Which was rude.”

“I meant that too and I didn’t mean to be rude,” Tony said as he took a menu and looked it over. “Good – they serve breakfast until two. Lucky for me.” He scanned the menu and then motioned over a waitress. He ordered eggs benedict and a cappuccino before sitting back in his seat. 

Steve ordered his own food – an omelet that contained chicken, broccoli, and cheddar cheese with a side of pancakes – and waited until the waitress was gone. “So what is involved in this talk you want to have?”

“Well, first, the no drinking thing. I can’t handle it. There are going to be days where I am going to want to drink. I know that you don’t like it, but it is part of who I am. And, if you want to be with me, while I can change some things, I can’t change that.”

“Alright,” Steve said.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “No argument?”

“No argument.” Steve sipped at his water. “But – “

“Always a but. You’re just lucky that I like your butt.”

“Do you have to drink to get drunk?” Steve asked. “Or can you just have a drink or two and then stop?”

“No,” Tony said. “And I don’t want to do that much anymore. I had one night of weakness. Are you really going to hold that against me?”

Steve was quiet for a long moment. “No.”

“Thank you,”

“I do have one more condition on that though,” Steve says. “No more drinking on the roof.”

“Suck all the fun out of my life,” Tony said and grinned a moment later to show he was teasing. “I won’t,” he said seriously a moment later. “Or, if I do, I’ll take someone up with me.”

“Well, you know where to find me,” Steve said with a smile.

Tony nodded and kept his serious look. “I am sorry for all the fighting we’ve been doing. I know it hasn’t been a lot and I know I’ve not been the best… well, the best boyfriend that I could be. And I thought I would try to apologize for that.” He paused for a moment. “I do want to try, Steve. I’m not all that great mentally or sometimes physically, but I do want to try. If you’ll still have me.”

Steve grinned and took Tony’s hand. “Why wouldn’t I have you?”

“Just a bit of worry.” Tony didn’t let go of Steve’s hand when the waitress came back with Tony’s coffee. The two of them enjoyed a quiet breakfast for lunch before walking back to the Tower. When inside and up near their rooms, Steve kissed Tony lovingly and deeply. Tony kissed him back with the same intensity before being pulled into their room and being with Steve in every physical way he could be.


	9. Talking In Your Sleep

_Right from the start  
You were a thief  
You stole my heart  
And I your willing victim  
I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty  
And with every touch you fixed them_

Tony sighed and rolled over, looking at the clock. It was two in the morning and he was curled up against Steve. Their talk had been a month ago and… well, there were good nights and bad nights. He could feel that this was one of the bad nights, considering that he couldn’t sleep. He thought about getting up, but he didn’t want to wake Steve up. In that month he was just thinking about, they had about a mission a day, sometimes up to three. It was getting tiring on all of them but it was the only thing they could do right now. 

He sighed and slowly got up, smiling as he looked back and saw that Steve was asleep. He found his pants, pulling them on and standing up. As he did, the room shifted to him flying in the air over New York and shooting at the sphere. It quickly cut to hearing about the nuke from Fury to grabbing the nuke and going through the hole. Not being able to reach Pepper. Feeling his heart stop and then the pain with the shrapnel moving because the magnet stopped for a moment as well. The screaming – just screaming from everywhere and anywhere.

“Tony!” Steve yelled, shaking him.

Tony woke up with a gasp and looked up at Steve. He was still in bed and naked. He sat up, looking around the room before resting his head on the wall behind the bed. “Any suits react?”

“Not that I’ve heard,” Steve said. 

“I need – I need to check,” Tony said as he tried to grab his cell phone. He stopped, trying to take a deep breath and just feeling like he was going to throw up. “Shit.”

“Tony?” Steve asked.

Tony just got up from the bed, going over to the bathroom. He was able to make it, emptying his stomach into the toilet instead of on the bed. He coughed and nearly jumped when he felt a cold washcloth put on the back of his neck. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Steve just handed him a glass of water.

Tony took it, washing out his mouth as he sat there for a moment more. He saw Steve leave out of the corner of his eye and just rested his head against the cold bowl. He sighed as he felt a hand on his shoulder and was surprised when a glass of ice and scotch appeared. “Thanks.” He sipped at it before handing it back and getting up. He smiled at Steve for the help, as his legs felt like jello, as he washed himself up. 

“Want to talk about it?” Steve asked.

Tony closed his eyes and thought about that. He hadn’t talked about any of it with Pepper until he needed to. One part of him knew that he couldn’t do that and the other part of him was reminding him just how much of a mistake that was. “I think so,” he said quietly.

“You don’t have to, you know.”

He nodded. “It was New York.”

“You’re still having dreams about that?” 

“I think I’m always going to have dreams about that,” he said as he took a long sip of the scotch. “Don’t you dream about the time that you died? Well, not died but went on ice.”

“I used to.”

“How did you get over them?” he asked. “What’s the magical formula?”

“I didn’t think that I had to die to prove anything. I went into the ice to save everyone. You need to realize that you were the only one who could save everyone, Tony. If it wasn’t for you and your suit, we wouldn’t have survived. New York would be a crater and the world would be a lot worse off. And then there’s the fact that Loki and whatever they called themselves would have won.”

“Oh,” he said quietly.

Steve smiled and kissed Tony’s cheek. “Do you want to stay here a bit to make sure that you don’t throw up again?”

“Yeah.” Tony took another sip. “I’m slowly realizing this isn’t scotch.”

“Apple juice.”

“I thought scotch was good for when one is throwing up,” Tony said. “This is just going to burn on the way back up.”

“So don’t throw up again.”

“Sound advice,” Tony said. “I think back to bed would be good. We can bring a bucket or something for the next time.”

“If you throw up in our bed, I am kicking you out of it.” Steve picked up a bowl like container that had been in their bathroom for a bit – Tony had brought it up with stuff in it – and lucky for the both of them, it was now empty. He helped Tony back to bed. “We’re not broken, Tony. We’re just bent in different ways and we deal with it differently. Just because I found a solution doesn’t mean that I don’t have dreams every now and then. Or I don’t think of Peggy and Bucky and wonder about what could have been. It’s just – it’s how I cope.”

“Kay,” Tony said. “Well, you knew how I was coping. And, yes, it’s been better. I also think being so busy has been helping again but it didn’t help me having a really bad dream. So.. I’m just sure what else to do.”

“How about one day at a time?” Steve asked. “We all need a breather. If you don’t mind being the one to say that we do, then I think we could all get a break. And you don’t have to talk to the Director. You could talk to Coulson and he’ll listen.”

Tony nodded as he picked up the cell phone. “I haven’t really talked to him a lot lately.”

“We’ve all had a lot on our plates.” Steve took the cell phone. “And I meant tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Tony said as he took another sip of apple juice before cuddling up against Steve. 

“I’ll listen to you,” Steve said. He wrapped an arm around Tony, listening and talking with him until the two of them fell asleep together.


	10. Epilogue: Not Broken Just Bent

Tony felt someone move as he felt what he was traveling in stop. He wasn’t sure if it was still the plane or if it was the car after they got off the plane. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. It was definitely the car, considering they were on the ground and not at an airport, and they were at the graveyard. He sighed as he slowly sat up from his sleeping position against Steve. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, wondering if they were really there, but noticing that the car stopped to let a caravan of other cars go by.

It had been a year now. A year that was filled with a lot of different changes that seemed to happen in a tailspin, but he liked it. He liked that life did that, if only to make the time not feel like it was crawling by like a slug. _Slug time_ he thought as he smiled. He reached for a backpack on the floor in front of him, checking for the millionth time that the bottle of Pepper’s favorite wine was still unbroken. The bottle was fine, as were the two glasses that were inside the bag as well for Steve and Tony to have a drink of.

“Nearly there,” Steve said quietly.

“Yeah,” Tony said. 

“You sure you want to do this?”

“Yep,” Tony said. “I know it seems like a waste, but I’d want her to honor me the same way.”

“I’m not saying that it’s a waste. I’m just worried about you going backwards instead of forwards.”

Tony was quiet about that. He had been doing everything that Steve asked – counseling, cutting down on the drinking, actually keeping to a sleep schedule – and it did seem to be working. It didn’t seem like his old life anymore, but he knew that his old life was killing him faster than this new one. If he could die, that he did wonder about. He wasn’t going to voice his concerns about that. He did tell Steve if a nightmare happened. “I haven’t had a nightmare for two months now. Nearly three.”

“I know.” Steve kissed Tony’s cheek and the car started up again. It passed where the other cars were going and turned to the site of Pepper’s grave. 

Tony waited until the car stopped before getting out of the car and taking the bag with him. He walked out to the grave, looking back to the car where Steve was hanging back. He sighed. “Well, here we are again. Or at least me. I’m going to try to do this every year, so don’t worry about me forgetting you. I brought drinks this time, don’t know if I’m going to do that in the future. I’m getting better now though – but you probably know that. I’m getting more into the idea of ghosts – not the afterlife mind you – but just ghosts. I hope you are one, Pepper. I hope that you’re able to see all the good that you did for me.” He reached into the bag, undoing the wine and pouring a full glass. He knelt down and poured it gently onto her grave. When he stood up, he filled it up and a

“Because I don’t like your hard alcohol,” Pepper whispered, as if she was right behind him. 

Tony turned and looked around, but only Steve was there, coming towards him. “Hold this,” he said to Steve and poured Steve a glass. He handed Steve the glass before taking back his own. “Just – it’s strange out here.”

“It’s a graveyard. It’s not going to be normal.”

“Yeah,” Tony said and turned back to Pepper’s grave. He took Steve’s hand and the two them stood there for a long time. When it felt like it was the right time, which was when the bottle of wine was empty, the two made their way back to the car and the life they decided on for themselves.


End file.
